I came out at age 17. Until that point I never really questioned my sexual orientation. There were no all girl band posters hung on my walls. I didn’t dream about beautiful women from the silver screen (that I remember). All I knew was that suddenly I had fallen in love – and it happened to be with a girl. I actually denied the relationship and the true nature of my feelings to family, friends, and even myself for the first few months of our relationship. Eventually, all those around me knew I was gay and dating a girl (who happened to be the most outspoken lesbian in the school – try being straight dating her!).
It wasn’t until I entered college that I was comfortable labeling myself as lesbian. I still held the belief that I may not be strictly gay or straight, more that I was just a girl looking for love. However, I felt the pressure from the queer community to declare myself, and so I did. I never really thought much about it, just sort of seemed like the next step in my coming out process. With my declaration of my orientation, I was immediately accepted by the queer community. I attended GSA meetings (an org I helped found at my high school) and made friends solely through a queer connection. The more time that I spent around my new friends the more I realized how much of a family I had discovered. These people were open, sexual, hilarious, caring, pompous, shy, and just about everything you could ever wish for in friends. I felt extremely lucky to have found this wonderful amalgam that accepted everything I had to offer.
In the coming years, we all started going our separate ways; graduate school, work, family obligations. I was slowly but surely losing my queer family. We have kept in contact, and I have welcomed new members of the community into our social circle, but I can’t help but feel a loss. After determining that I needed to try and find this connection outside the queer world, I went in search of old friends I had lost some connection with. However, the more time spent surrounded by a heterosexually dominated group, the more I knew that I belonged with queers. There is less need to make excuses for the things you say. There is no need to skirt around saying my boyfriend/girlfriend. There is a mutual understanding of the things you have had to overcome in your life. We are all connected in one way or another. Sure, I am connected to my hetero friends as well, but as someone who focuses on LGBT advocacy and queer politics, I am better acquainted with my queer brethren.
So, I sit here today, a semi-happy, queer femme in purple converse listening to Madonna who is just pleased to have finally found the community that makes me feel valuable and complete. And for today, that’ll do.
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