Summer Pranks Aren’t Welcome Here

Well, like most surprising conversations, you don’t exactly remember how they started. It seems people simply start talking and our language carries us from topic to topic.

This one was more of a push in the pool. I was simply minding my own business, without a care in the world, taking in life’s warm sun rays as they kissed my skin…when all of a sudden, the three culprits creped their mischievous little bodies behind my back and with one great heave–pushed me into the pool landing into a major belly flop.

The culprits would be the phrase and words we all know…

I love you

Now, for most who know me (or have dated me), I’m not afraid of commitment. In fact, I almost challenge it to come around like a bully on the playground. I’m most comfortable in a relationship. But this makes me scared. I’m nervous. I’m nervous for the amount of trust she has in me. No one really knows the damage I can really cause, but I think everyone is about to know soon enough…

Night before last Stephanie and I were on the phone. Suddenly she begins to cry, and I have no idea why. Somehow, someway we got to an emotional topic (for her). After a long, awkward pause she says, “Katie, I love you.”

I was shocked. We haven’t even been “dating” two weeks, and she’s already comfortable enough to tell me those three little words? What happened to taking it slow? What happened to repairing what was broken once before? I’m just so uncertain. I don’t even know where I’ll be in a year! For all we know I could be at Full Sail in Florida or College Station at A&M or Austin at UT. I have so many paths that ours might never cross again. And who’s to say this long distance thing is really going to work? If I go to Florida, I’m not going there with a relationship back here in Texas. I’ll be there to strictly focus on school and my future career. If I go to College Station, it’s plausible we may work, but there are no sure things. IF I make it into UT, the relationship is almost certainly a dead end. But the fact of all these options…I’m not going to set my path because of a girl. I’m not going to risk one decision affecting (essentially) the rest of my life. This is the most selfish times in our lives, but someone has to be…

Not only does the major possibility that we won’t work scare me, but it’s also the fact that she hurt me so bad the 1st few times around. Who’s to say she won’t just flip out again? We haven’t even addressed any of those speed-bumps. We’ve just simply started “talking” again. But all of this scares me right down to the core.

I’m going to have to talk to her tonight…I can’t just keep this big of an issue inside. Especially if I’m planning to see her next weekend.

God, I’ll probably make her cry…I hate making her cry. This is just all so scary. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like it at all…