Keepsakes

As you all saw I spent part of this week upset over experiences that I may not get to have or might enjoy for the last time this year. Obviously I’m hoping that’s not the case but it’s not entirely unrealistic to consider. Today I decided to take action though and prevent them from stealing anything more than experiences from me. I started creating a memory box which once I get the contents finalized will be stored at a friends house.

I’m not sure how much, if anything, they would allow me to take with me. I also don’t need to be scrambling around last minute to collect all those little things that actually mean a lot to me. I don’t want to forget anything and I certainly don’t want to be forced to leave things behind. And like I alluded to in my previous posts, some of it isn’t even for me. I have memories in my head but my children won’t. I want to be able to share things with them. It seems dorky to think that far ahead but I really do want a family and I’ll do everything I can now to ensure that they at least have some pictures and objects. There’s only so much you can tell someone. Maybe they will never see their grandparents in person but I can at least provide them with pictures to go along with the stories.

I started by digging through two boxes (i’m not a hoarder, they’re fairly small lol) of stuff that I already had established as places to keep valuables that had nowhere else to go. As I started I wondered how I was going to pick and choose what to bring with me and soon reality set in, there is very little I have that is worth saving. It’s not about the actual objects to me but the memories they carry. It all suddenly looked like junk. I would give it all away to be accepted by my family.

Objects have never really taken on much meaning to me in the past but at some point they might be all I have.

I eventually sorted through stuff by trying to think of what my kids (dork alert again) might enjoy hearing about. Some things have significant memories tied to them while others are just cool or funny. I’m also in the process of going through all of our photo albums and scanning in pictures. I’m hoping to get those on CDs to put in the box. That’s probably going to be the most valuable object to me. If I end up having time i’d also like to get some home videos put on CD but that will take longer. I might make that later on if I have time and just give it to my friend to add to the box.

I’m also planning on writing a letter to myself. What do I say though?! The next time I read it there’s a large possibility that I will have just been kicked out. I need something to pull me through, even if it just gets me through that first night. It’s hard to write that when I’m in a slightly depressed mood but I feel as if that will be invaluable as well. A long with some cash of course 

Maybe I’ll throw in some candy?

Any other suggestions?

Inthecrack Lexy and Candy oiled up lesbians

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lessons in history

 So, I suppose I should go into a little of my history.  Some back-story, if you will.  (Not gonna dwell on the childhood part too much, though – I’m hoping a short paragraph or two will suffice.)  Born in a small town in the midwest, adopted and moved into a bigger town in the midwest.  Had a happy childhood for the most part; really can’t complain about any of it.  Parent’s are super nice/responsible/do-gooding/god-fearing/socially liberal folk.. which can really be a bizarre combination at times.  Like, they believe that homosexuality is against God, but gays should at least have the same rights as everyone else before they go to hell..  *laughs*  

Looking back, there were signs of my sexual preferences everywhere, but I was super clueless at the time.  Sure, I loved playing doctor with my girl friends, as well as “house” where I was always the dad.. but did I think for a second that I might actually be gay?  Oh hell no.  Once I was out of high school and into college, I had just come to the conclusion that I was bi.  I was attracted to girls, but I had never actually established an emotional connection with one.  All of my emotional connections were with men.  Specifically one man – David. 

I met David my junior year of college; so that would’ve been…oh.. October of 1999?  He was setting up the dorm to be a haunted house for the local kids to come through and he needed to borrow a chair.   Pretty simple beginning, really.  He and I never really got to talking until the spring of 2000, and then, at that point, we were inseparable. 

A little about David.  How do I describe him?  He’s.. amazing.  Really.  I couldn’t have found someone more perfect for me.  He’s kind, sweet, gorgeous, a creative genius, wonderfully artistic and about as laid-back as someone can get without turning into an inanimate object.  He was always connecting with animals and children, though he wasn’t trying with the kids..lol  They were just drawn to him.  His mother always told me that when he was growing up he used to stand back and watch the other kids playing.  Rarely would he actually join in.  He’d just watch with a little half-smile on his face.  He was an old man trapped in a child’s body, she’d say.  There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s an old soul.  

We were together for approx 5 years before David proposed to me.  And he did it in about the coolest way imaginable: He made a movie.  Not just any movie, but a silent film where he portrayed Charlie Chaplin.  (Side note: David’s been portraying Charlie since he was about 6 years old.. no kidding.  He’s a dead ringer for the man, too.  It was pretty incredible to watch.)  Of course, I said yes immediately. I mean, good God.. who wouldn’t say yes to that?  But really, cool proposal aside, I was ready to spend the rest of my life with that man.  *smile*  He made me that happy.  

So.. we got married, did the whole traditional wedding thing, had a cool reception with all our favorite people there.  About a year later we bought our first house together in the suburbs.  A cute-ass little cape cod that was built in the 40’s.  Ohmygod it was AWESOME.  Lots of fantastic little architectural details, a gi-normous back yard that was an absolute bitch to mow, and a creepy basement that looked more like a dungeon but was fabulous for themed parties.

I’d say I was like.. 85% happy with my life at that point.  The only issues that he and I had were in the bedroom.  (duh)  David and I were extremely close as friends, but we weren’t so good at being lovers.  As time went on, I was losing more and more interest in sex.  It got to the point where I was dreading it.  I didn’t want to bring it up because of how guilty I felt about it, and David was hesitant for fear of hurting my feelings.   

It finally got to the point where we couldn’t ignore that there was a serious problem brewing.  I automatically assumed that it was my fault and that there was something wrong with me.  So, I went to the doctor to try to figure out what the issue was.  I had at first assumed that my testosterone levels were off due to my long-term use of birth control.  I had been taking it for 10 years at that point, and I had heard that extended use of birth control could sometimes end in a decline in one’s sex drive.  Well, the doctor just kinda looked at me funny when I told her my libido had dropped SIGNIFICANTLY, but she agreed to testing my levels.  Of course everything was normal, but I refused to accept that as an answer.  So I went to a pharmacist (the kind that can actually diagnose you themselves and create an all-natural cocktail of vitamins & minerals to aid your every ailment.)  She was a very kind woman, and I did try the concoction she proposed for me for about 3 months, but ultimately there was no change. 

I was getting reeeealllly frustrated at this point, as you can imagine.  There was nothing wrong with my chemistry, so maybe there was something wrong with my brain.  (See my logic?  Yeah..)  I figured my body image might have a part to play, and it did, to a point.  I had always been overweight, even since I was a child.  Not morbidly obese or anything, but big enough that I was uncomfortable in my own skin.  I had a fire lit under my ass to fix myself, and I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t been so frustrated that I never would’ve done it, but I got my ass to a gym and hired a personal trainer.  

Yeah, I actually had a personal trainer for like, 7 months.  And oh my god did that work.  I was dropping weight like it was hot.  Not only did she kick my ass every other morning, but she was in charge of my diet as well.  I felt great.  Like, really great.  I was starting to feel ok with myself.  Unfortunately, nothing was changing in the bedroom.  I had a ton more energy, but none of it was really directed towards sex.  

I was at a loss, and David, while really supportive and super proud of me for what I had accomplished, was frustrated with the situation, too.  I was starting to wonder if it was just him… and maybe not me.  Was it possible that I just wasn’t attracted to my husband anymore?  I tried looking at other guys at work, and while they were cute and flirty, I wasn’t feeling anything for them.  I wasn’t feeling much of anything at that point and it was killing me.  I felt so incredibly guilty that I didn’t want my husband and best friend of  8ish years.  I mean, he’s an incredible man!  Any woman would be so lucky to have caught his attention, and here I was just wasting it… or so I thought.  I felt like I was failing him.

I was getting desperate.  I really didn’t know what else to do.  I considered going to a shrink, or even a sex therapist, but I couldn’t afford that sort of treatment, and the idea of professional help, while probably the most effective choice, was kinda embarrassing.  What was I supposed to say, exactly?  “Hey there!  I’m a sexually frigid/repressed 29 year old.  Fix me.”  So what did I do instead?  What every woman should do at some point in their life: 

I joined a burlesque troupe.

(that’s all for now… more nekkid goodness coming your way soon)

Congress passes hate crime laws to include gays

Physical attacks on people based on sexual orientation will now officially be considered a hate crime and will be punishable by the U.S. government and law officials. In the past 11 years, over 80,000 hate crimes based on sexual orientation have taken place and only a few of them have been acknowledged. This will all change soon! 2010 will be a GREAT year for the gays! Remember it only takes one voice to make a change! Lets go!

Click HERE for fill article

The Topp Twins

Tonight folks, I will be at the Regent Theatre along with the rest of the lesbian poplulation of Dunedin, and indeed a whole bunch of staight ladies and gentlemen to see The Topp Twins. Woot to that we say!

It will be fun, funny and frolicky and I can’t wait.  My ticket is an early birthday pressie which is pretty damn cool.  I have always wanted to learn to yodel, mostly cos I really in my heart always wanted to be a Topp Twin, sadly I’m a shy and retiring kind of a girl and the stage – and singing in public was not for me.  Sigh.  Looking forward to a night of lots of audience interraction and ridicule.  Last time I saw them was with my lovely sister at the Blossom Festival a long time ago, and woman o woman did we have fun!  So I imaging tonight will be a similar hoot.

Peep Show author interview with M. March

This is the first of several Q&As, conducted via email, with contributors to Peep Show: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists.

M. March

How did you come up with the idea for your story in Peep Show?

This story, “Missing Michael,” was actually from an old novel I was working on. The whole novel was written from the point of view of a gay man, but I chickened out with finishing that novel and decided it was better to write a new novel written from the point of view of someone more like me, i.e., a lesbian. But I had saved the old novel because I really liked parts of it and thought I could salvage it eventually in one form or another. So the story in Peep Show started with the first paragraph of the first page of that old novel, but then I rewrote it so much, it bares no resemblance to that old novel at all.

Did the story change as you were writing it from your original conception of it?

Like I said, I originally planned for this to be a rewrite of that old novel, so that definitely changed. It’s kind of difficult to remember, as I wrote it so long ago, but I don’t think I had multiple viewpoints in the original conception.

What’s your favorite line or paragraph from your story?

“I’ll eat his ass like it’s a seven-course meal and suck his nipples like they’re a cold milkshake.”

Is your Peep Show story similar to or different from your usual erotic writing style?

Definitely different. I never wrote a gay erotic short story before and it seems odd that I would, considering I’m a lesbian. But there’s a part of me that can understand the beauty in men, especially queer men, and also a part of me that feels mentally like I am a gay man. Also, I had some experience in my life being in a heterosexual relationship, so I do understand the sexual appeal of a male, and the sexual experience of being with a male.

The multiple viewpoints is also different than how I usually write, and this story is much more poignant than I usually write. I tend to write funnier erotic stories. For me, I think I was trying to write about a breakup I had, which to me felt like a death, and writing about how you move on from that.

What do you think is sexy about exhibitionism and/or voyeurism?

That’s a good question. I think there’s something sexy about having sex where you could be caught, but likely won’t be. (Because I’ve been caught almost having sex once, and trust me, that wasn’t fun at all.) Like if you’re in a hotel room and you stare out the window, and you can see all these people below you, but they can’t see that you are 10 floors up having sex. It’s almost like you’re having an orgy, because these other people are sort of involved in your sex scene. I got a few hand jobs in clubs and it was done very discreetly, but I got such a high, thinking, “I’m doing this and all these people are watching me, but they don’t realize it.” I’m not even sure I can put it into words why it’s exciting, but it is.

Voyeurism is not really my bag, though I will admit I like some films where people are having sex. And it’s kind of cool in the summertime when my female neighbor decides not to bother with a shirt.

If you care to answer, are you more of a voyeur, exhibitionist, or neither? Do you think there’s something inherently exhibitionistic about writing, especially writing erotica?

I’m more of an exhibitionist, as my last answer illustrates. And I think there is something exhibitionistic about writing fiction, regardless of genre. Although fiction is not true, everyone assumes that what you write is based on your personal life. And with erotica, people think God knows what kind of sex life you have. I am very private about what I tell people, but with my writing I let it all hang out, because I love writing, and to hold back exposing myself in my writing would not serve my writing well at all. It can be exciting being that exhibitionistic in writing. There’s a thrill, very similar to the thrill you get being sexual in public. It’s exciting to release a guarded part of yourself, very freeing.

What are you working on next?

I have a big Excel sheet with all kinds of deadlines I may or may not ever get to, but I really do hope to have a first draft of my novel written within a year. I signed up with NanoWriMo so I can get going on that. I am also contemplating a creative writing MFA, which I have been contemplating ever since I got the BA.

M. March (”Missing Michael”) is the pseudonym of a writer who has contributed to the New York Post, AfterEllen, AfterElton, Gay City News, Blacktable.com, Self, Complete Woman, Time Out New York, First-Timers and Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Nonerotica interests include watching cult movies, browsing in bookstores, drinking strong coffee and listening to obscure disco.

Below is an excerpt from “Missing Michael” by M. March. Read the whole story in Peep Show: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists. Read excerpts from all 18 Peep Show stories here.

I’ve just gotten a monster erection.

It happened when Gym Boy took off his shirt. I got this terrible craving to pinch his hard, red nipples and then my dick got huge, swollen beyond belief. I was scared someone would notice it, so I went into the bathroom to take care of myself.

And now as I touch my cock, I can’t help but see Gym Boy in swimming trunks. He is kissing me and sticking a finger up my ass and covering my prick with his mouth and I am getting so hard and I am screaming and stroking myself so fast I may have a heart attack. A part of me hopes I will. I need to see Michael again.

Oh God, this feels so good. No, not just good; I am mad with pleasure. I feel like strutting around the gym–no, all of New York–with my giant cock out for every man to see and suck.

I spy a hole in the wall and think it’s the perfect size, and before I realize how ridiculous it is, I’m putting my dick in there, and thrusting my hips, and smacking my bare ass. I am not thinking about moving out of our house. I am not worrying about how to turn down that great guy my sister wants me to date; I am not wondering how I will manage to visit my husband’s grave without having yet another nervous breakdown.

All I am doing is thinking of Gym Boy.

Don't Ask - Don't Tell?

Sitting in the sun with the waves flowing over my lower body then retreating all the while I have sand in my butt. I heard a butterfly sitting on a crab, sobbing so heartbroken. The crabs distress was more than the sand flees could bare as they jumped high and far to escape the pain.

Sitting in the sun with the waves flowing over my lower body then retreating all the while I have sand in my butt. Seagulls hovering low to give compassion and empathy to their fellow flying brother, not really understanding the anguish of the once small caterpillar . Unable to swallow a fish from all the upset a young gull asks the monarch, “why do you cry an ocean?” The hush stopped the wind as if even the earth was holding it’s breath awaiting the answer.

Sitting in the sun with the waves flowing over my lower body then retreating all the while I have sand in my butt. The wailing of the small quiet voice of such a majestic flying creature broke the stillness as a sun going nova and the words, oh those words, why did they even have to be said, how did the world get to a place where those words had to be thought of. What kind of hate made those words necessary. My country won’t let me serve to protect it or live and love the one that is my mate because we are of the same.

Sitting in the sun with the waves flowing over my lower body then retreating all the while I have sand in my butt. I learned real shame.

Broadway Takes DC

On Sunday, October 11, thousands of Broadway stars, fans, and friends took to the streets of Washington DC for the National Equality March.

The march supported Gay Rights, including marriage equality and “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policies.

Through Broadway Impact, many actors, directors, producers, and other members of the entertainment industry sponsored buses to transport supporters of the Movement to Washington at no cost. Thousands marched, held signs, and, most importantly, came together to unite for a cause. The turnout was astounding, and the crowd was made of young people, old people, couples, singles, gay, straight, and people of every race and color you could think.

Also in the crowd were the cast of Hair, Gavin Creel, and several other entertainers. In fact, one of the speakers was none other than Lady Gaga herself. While her speech may not have been the most impressive point, it’s good to know celebrities still connect with the nation on common issues.

Overall, the National Equality March was a success, showing the government that multitudes of people support the rights of the Gay Community.

Hate Crime Days Before Senate Vote

10/14/2009 Washington

“Source:Human Rights Campaign– Days before the United States Senate is set to vote on federal legislation to protect the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community from hate violence, a shocking new security camera video was released this morning showing the brutality of hate violence. The video, aired exclusively this morning on the local NY ABC affiliate, WABC, shows a Queens, NY gay man being horrifically beaten last Thursday in what New York police have classified an anti-gay hate crime. The video can be viewed on WABC’s website at http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=7062514.

 “Literally days before a Senate vote, this video is a shocking reminder of why hate crimes laws, like the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Act, are crucial law enforcement tools for combating violence,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “A federal hate crime law not only ensures police are provided with the tools they need, but also sends a message from the highest level of our government that we as a country will not tolerate this type of brutality against our neighbors. It is my hope that every Senator watches this video and understands that far too many LGBT Americans live with the daily fear that it could have just as easily happened to them.”

Last Thursday, 49-year-old Jack Price, an openly gay man living in Queens, New York was attacked right outside of his home by two individuals yelling anti-gay slurs. The assailants brutally beat Price, causing him to suffer a broken jaw, fractured ribs, collapsed lungs, lacerated spleen and had to be placed in a medically induced coma.

New York police have categorized the attack as an anti-gay hate crime. Daniel Aleman, 26, of New York and Daniel Rodriguez, 21, of Norfolk, Virginia have both been arrested in the case. Aleman has already been arraigned on charges of Assault and Aggravated Assault as a Hate Crime.

New York is one of 31 states with hate crimes laws that protect individuals based on sexual orientation. Only 12 states have laws that protect on both sexual orientation and gender identity. Although New York has a state hate crimes law on the book, the federal hate crimes legislation known as the Matthew Shepard Act, if passed, would allow New York state officials to appeal to the U.S. Department of Justice for additional assistance in the investigation and prosecution of the crime.

If this crime had occurred in any state regardless of existing a hate crimes laws, or lack thereof, the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Act, if passed, would not only allow local law enforcement to appeal for additional assistance from the U.S. Department of Justice, but it would also ensure that the Department could step in when local authorities turn a blind eye to violence against the LGBT community.

Openly gay, New York City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, along with other state officials gathered in Queens on Monday to speak out against the attack.”

is wondering...

…WHAT IF I somehow get some help through therapy or whatever and all my issues like anger, bitterness, depression, flightiness, low self-esteem, insecurities, etc all go away and I feel better about everything in my life… I have healed in every way possible… EXCEPT I still am attracted to women???  What do I do then???  If it proves that my pains and fears and so forth have nothing to do with my sexual desires and sexual identity like so many people say it does???  Am I supposed to just keep ignoring it, lock the closet door and throw away the key???  What if in doing that I am then forced back into anger, bitterness, depression, etc???  Is that right???

It’s hard being a Christian and having the beliefs I do and then having these so real feelings inside of me.  Sure it is easy for people to dismiss something when they don’t see how real it is.  But someone has said that homosexuality is not any different than anger.  If someone is naturally inclined to anger and can’t control it and busts out on someone, we will not condone it just cuz- well, he was born that way.  No, we would arrest him and make him take anger management classes or something.  We would expect him to learn to control himself and not act out on his feelings; to get rid of his anger and so on.  So we who struggle with SSA are supposed to do the same thing; understand that it is wrong, no matter how it feels to us inside, and control ourselves and force ourselves into a life that is right.  or something like that

He's gay, I'm a fag hag, so what?

I swear to Hades that breeders are some of the dumbest people on Earth. (Yes, I’m a breeder too). I am so sick and fucking tired of all of the stupid ass stereotypes that come to play when someone comes out of the closet. I hate hearing that it’s disgusting, or morally wrong.

First of all, no one CHOOSES to be gay. Who in the world would chose a life where they can’t be themselves? Where they are judged on a day to day basis, not only by society but by the people that are supposed to love them unconditionally? Being gay is not contagious. It’s not a disease. There is absolutely nothing the fuck wrong with gays, lesbians, pansexuals, transexuals, bisexuals, trysexuals, asexuals, ambisexuals, heteroflexible, homoflexible, or any other sexual being out there.

Oh, and let’s get a few things straight. First of all, not all gay people are prancing pink princesses. And the ones who are, just have really kick ass personalities and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

Second of all, just because someone is gay, it does not mean that they are attracted to you. I’m so sick of hearing people say that they are fine with gays as long as they don’t hit on them. What makes you think you’re so hot? Believe it or not, the gay world has taste too. Trust me, mot of them have really good taste. A few of my  gay guy friends have like superpowers to find the hottest men! I’m so jealous.

Third, not all gay people have random sex. They are not all sluts. Gays are just as capable of being in a committed relationship as you are. They laugh, cry, love and hate just like the rest of us. They want happiness, they want a life where they can love and be loved. No different than you or me.

Fourth, not all gays like Brittany Spears, or glitter. They do not all want to become your shopping buddies, they do not want to make floats and prance around in lingerie. And to the ones that do: I admire your confidence and only wish that I was that comfortable in a corset!

Fifth, someone who is gay does not have to have had sex with the same sex to know that they are gay. Did you have to have sex to know that you were straight? Well? Yeah, that’s what I thought dickwad.

So stop being such assholes. A wonderful person, who I will call S.I.A.B., once said “I’m so far in the closet, I’m having adventures in Narnia”. This should never happen. Why are we so fucking harsh, so cruel? Why can’t we just accept that there are cocks that prefer cocks and pussies that enjoy pussies? That people should be able to  live the way that they want to live without judgement from us? It broke my heart to find out that S.I.A.B. won’t come out of the closet. But I can’t blame them. I don’t know that I would either if all there was out of the closet was a bunch of close minded assholes.

Grow up. Realize that not everyone can be like you (or wants to for that matter). Embrace the differences that we all have. Embrace the rainbow.

I am a total fag hag. Through and through. I love all of my friends, although honestly, I’m pretty damned partial to my gay friends. I can always count on them being honest with me, I can count on them calling me out when I’m being stupid, and dammit, gays bars are just a hell of a good time.

You’re missing out on some pretty amazing people when you close your mind. You will never know the utter awesomeness of some, because you’re too busy judging them to really open your eyes and see who they are. Try taking the blinders off. Give each person a chance. Judge them by what they do to you. How they treat you. Don’t judge without ever having talked to them. Without having spent time with someone.

Don’t make a painful life worse. You have no idea how important a friends acceptance can be. It can honestly be the difference between life and death for some. But that’s for another day.

the way sex can be and would be...

*I have not reread this, it was written and posted in its pure RAW form… I am posting on this site, even though it was sent to Mandy via email, so I can keep my thoughts and ideas and visions in one place. Having these here, allows me to take from my own experiences and use them in future fan fiction stories.

Last night, our little escapade began in the bathroom. Yes, I know have some performance issues with people in the bathroom with you. I peeked in the door and saw you just resting there with your eyes closed. You looked peaceful and sleepy. I quietly opened the door and came in. It startled you, but I didn’t leave. I walked in front of you as you sat on the toilet, you have your shirt off with your pajama pants around your ankles. I leaned over you and put one of my legs between yours and pushed into you, leaning down with my arms wrapped around your neck and going down your back. I kissed your forehead and nuzzled you close.Your eyes closed and soft whimpers came from you. You liked it a little too much. So I left the room and went to he bed room.

I was standing in front of the bed when you came in. You shut the door behind you and walked in front of me. We hugged and passionately kissed, nibbles on each others neck, but you couldn’t wait… You pushed me down on the bed. My legs hung over the edge, you climbed on top of me and grinded your pelvic area into mine. You knew you couldn’t do anything to me cause I had started my period earlier that day, but a little grinding action would get you and I going and I would take you once I was frustrated enough. After grinding became too much for you, you needed to slow down or you would have came from just that alone. You flipped off me and laid on your side while I laid on my back. You didn’t want to stop torturing me, you rubbed my sex outside of my pants and I told you to stop. Your puppy dog face begged for me not to make you stop and I could not resist your begging, I said okay only if you would actually bring me to my orgasm. You smiled and kissed me and began rubbing me some more.
You slid your hand underneath my pajama bottoms and cupped my sex continuing to rub me with the palm of your hand. My breathing was heavy but i was relaxed. Wanting to give me what I was craving for, you slid your finger down to find my clit and as it did, but hips raised greeting you with welcoming moan. Slowly you massaged me, my sex moving with you in perfect harmony.Slowly building up to a hard and faster circular motion that made want to fuck your finger. Not stopping you continued until I thrusted my sex into your finger and lost the ability to breathe. Even the smallest of movements from your finger caused sudden jerks from my body, I couldn’t take it anymore and I needed you out of me and you knew it but want me to savor your touch just a tad bit more.
When you could see in my movements that I was done, you rested next to me. I needed a moment but you just devilishly grinned knowing what was still left to come and that was you. I turned on my side to see you, you looked so beautiful and mischievous. We kissed but you were careful not to touch me as the slightest of caresses made my body continue to spasm from the post orgasmic state I was still in. I touched your arms with soft sensual touches using just my finger tips, not rushed there was nothing but the night ahead of us. Kissing various parts of your arms, wrists, inner elbows… your closed your eyes to fill me studing your soft skin, noticing what makes you move, what makes you smile and what causes heavy breathing. A skill that has made me know every inch of your body like it was my own. I turned you over on to your stomach to massage your back with light caresses that were more relaxing than stress relieving. I even forget that I was massaging and began to tease you with my finger around your neck and just next to your breast and underarm. After your back, I turned you over exposing your breasts to me. My middle finger circled around your nipple making it asked to be sucked and bit. With little force, but lots of strength I took your nipple to my mouth and slowing bit down digging deeper into with my teets. Your eyes closed tight as it was almost unbearable. Keeping the same pressure, I flicked the tip of it with my tongue making you beg with your moans and whimpers for more.
I let you go and got off the bed. Your eyes opened to look at me and you smiled thanking me for what was coming next before it even had happened. I stripped off your pajama bottoms leaving you naked on my bed. I layed back down next to you with my head close to your thigh, your legs were closed and my fingers teased the outside of your sex instead of just going for what you were burning for. Touching your thighs and your slit, your hips tried to find my fingers but I was not read to take you there yet.
I rubbed up and down your legs, giving your sex time to miss the touches making it want me more. Once I was ready, I lifted your leg over my head, spreading you naturally. My finger graced the inside of your folds teasing it some more. You were so ready and so wanting me inside you, I could see your juices making their way down your leg and met my fingers without even being inside you once. The warmth radiating from you let me know that I should take you at that moment and I did. I inserted two fingers into you finding a pool of excitement waiting for me, my thumb gravited to your clit massaging it as my fingers went in and out… over and over… you begged for a third finger and I gave it to your harder and deeper finding your pelvic bone with my fingers. You pushed against me over and over… You knew you might not be able to take it any longer, you asked for a fourth. My pinky delightfully entered you making your come almost instantly from being filled to your breaking point. Your walls gripped by hand almost crushing it as i continued to hit your magic spot over and over untill your moan turned to a load muffled scream of ecstasy. Spasm after spasm I let your grip my motionless hand until your were completely satisfied. Once your body completed its journey, you rested and I pulled out my hand to see that nice and delicious cream you gave to me. Knowing we both would need to shower our selves afterward, I took my wet hand and placed on my sex combined our love even if it was just for a brief moment.
As I closed my eyes and placed my wet hand on my own sex I sent myself into a whirlwind of orgasmic delight as you kissed my lips while your essence took control over my mind and body. We rested in each others arms until we feel asleep forgetting about our much needed showers. My plan for a quick and easy thank you turned into almost 2 hours of grawesome love making that may not every be able to be duplicated by us again.

And that was sex last night… And as I wrote this out, I sit and get myself frustrated thinking if it is, has been or could be this way with him. Because this is us, this is me… and if this is how you want your life to be or how you dream your life can be… it can be. And so much more. I wish I knew what it is about him, or what I can do to be like him and give you whatever it is you are lacking that makes you not want to give him up for me. I wish I could be everything you need in life… God I wish I could. But… apparently I’m not and I know I may never be.

Pam and Ann Part 2

Pam and Ann continue sharing their coming out stories and the process that their families went through as they came to terms with their sexualities. Although it took some time, both Pam and Ann have the full support of their families and have started one of their own. Over 23 years, they have built a solid, supportive, and loving family unit including two amazing kids, two dogs, some cats and fish. Pam and Ann share why they love being moms, and their spectacular kids talk about why having two moms is the best! They are all truly fantastic people! Enjoy!

Centre for the Study of Education and Work - Update 30th September 2009

Unemployment

CENTRE FOR THE STUDY OF EDUCATION AND WORK – UPDATE 30th SEPTEMBER 2009

 

OUR MANDATE: The Centre for the Study of Education and Work (CSEW) brings together educators from university, union, and community settings to understand and enrich the often-undervalued informal and formal learning of working people. We develop research and teaching programs at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (UofT) that strengthen feminist, anti-racist, labour movement, and working-class perspectives on learning and work.

Our major project is APCOL: Anti-Poverty Community Organizing and Learning. This five-year project (2009-2013), funded by SSHRC-CURA, brings academics and activists together in a collaborative effort to evaluate how organizations approach issues and campaigns and use popular education.

To change your subscription settings, visit http://listserv.oise.utoronto.ca/mailman/listinfo/csewbroadcast

For more information about CSEW, visit: http://www.csew.ca

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FORUM: SOLIDARITY, RESISTANCE, CHANGE: ORGANIZING WORKING CLASS COMMUNITIES

Public forum featuring: Steve Williams, Co-Director and co-founder of the California based group “People Organized to Win Employment Rights (POWER)” and co-author of the book “Towards Land, Work and Power”.
Join us to hear Steve Williams speak about POWER, and organizing working-class communities in the current context of the economic crisis.

Introductions and opening remarks will be made by Sam Gindin, CAW (Retired), and Stephanie Ross, York University. With Q & A.

Friday October 2, 2009
7pm
Ryerson Student Centre
55 Gould Street, Room 115
Toronto

Directions: http://www.oakhamhouse.com/pages/directions.php

In 1997, in the wake of Clinton’s historic attack on social assistance, welfare and public support measures for the poor, activists in the San Francisco area formed POWER: People Organized to Win Employment Rights. Since its inception, POWER members have waged more than twenty campaigns to improve the living and working conditions for welfare workers, domestic workers, low-income tenants and other working class people of color.

Co-sponsored by Socialist Project and Centre for Social Justice
Endorsed by Black Action Defence Committee (BADC), No One Is Illegal (NOII) and Ontario Coalition against Poverty (OCAP)

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STUDENT-LED CONFERENCE PUTS THE PRIDE BACK INTO HEALTH RESEARCH

Research with Pride
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
8:30 am – 4:30 pm
University of Toronto
Dalla Lana School of Public Health
155 College Street, Room 610

In partnership with The 519 Church Street Community Centre, this unique forum will offer the opportunity for students, community members, academics, and allies of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two spirit, and queer (LGBTT2Q) communities to come together to discuss relevant health research, with a specific focus on community-based research (CBR) strategies.

Free. Lunch and snacks provided.

For more information or to register:  http://researchwithpride.org/index.html

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MAKING MUNICIPAL VOTING MATTER

Thursday, October 1
9 am to Noon
89 Chestnut Street
Toronto, Ontario

Elections in Toronto are not meeting our expectations. Voter turn-out is surprisingly low. New faces on City Council are uncommon. And perhaps most importantly, our City Council does not reflect the evolving demographic of Toronto’s population. What are options for renewal?

Join other community organizations and individuals in a discussion about the changes we need to make municipal elections matter in Toronto.

RSVP for this event: http://www.facebook.com/l/2617e;tinyurl.com/lgcywd

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BUILDING THE FUTURE WE WANT: FINDING OPPORTUNITY IN ADVERSITY

Friday, October 2, 2009
9:00 am to 4:00 pm
New College, University of Toronto
$50.00 (includes lunch and refreshments)

The Symposium will bring together a broad range of individuals and organizations to explore the ways in which the current economic and social crisis may provide opportunities to rethink how government, the non-profit sector and business can renew our social safety net for the 21st century.

Panels:

* Ending Poverty
* Social Infrastructure
* Good Jobs
* Social Security and Economic Stabilizers

Register online at http://www.socialplanningtoronto.org/symposium

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SHOVEL READY IS NOT THE WHOLE STORY: OPTIONS AND PRIORITIES FOR AFFORDABLE HOUSING IN THE GTA

Public Forum on Housing

Presented by The Older Women’s Network (OWN) and The Centre for Women’s Studies in Education at OISE, University of
Toronto

Sunday, October 4, 1:30 to 5 pm
OISE Auditorium
252 Bloor Street West (St. George Subway)

Panel Members:

* Heather McGregor, Chief Executive Officer, YWCA Toronto
* Angela Robertson, Executive Director, Sistering – A Woman’s Place
* Michael Shapcott, Director, Affordable Housing & Social Innovation, Wellesley Institute

The Older Women’s Network (OWN) – A Voice for Mid-Life and Older Women – is a not for profit organization incorporated in 1988. In 1997 OWN was instrumental in building a 142 unit Housing Co-op in the St. Lawrence Market area of Toronto.

For more information:  http://www.olderwomensnetwork.org

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A SERIES OF LEARNING CIRCLES: IN CELEBRATION OF THE LIFE AND WORK OF ALAN THOMAS

By the holders of the Alan Thomas Fellowship
of the Carold Institute
In Celebration of the Life and Work of Alan Thomas

Date: Monday October 5, 2009
Time: 6:00 – 8:00 PM
Place: Concordia University
Hall Building 7th Floor
Room H-762
1455 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W.
Montreal

RSVP: 514-848-2424 (2036)
For more information: qaal@alcor.concordia.ca
Admission is FREE
Light Refreshments will be available

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FIRESIDE CHAT ON RACE, GENDER, INCOME VIA TELEPHONE/INTERNET

A special invitation to:
Public health planners and practitioners, policy makers, public health evaluators, community partners working with public health (e.g., NGOs, community health centres, school boards and educational institutions)….

A Fireside Chat – free pan-Canadian discussion via telephone/internet

Thursday October 8, 2009
1:00pm-2:30pm (Eastern Time)
Using an Online Toolkit to Address Social Determinants of Health through Multiple Intervention Programs

For more information and to register:  http://www.chnet-works.ca

Race…gender…income…All of these affect our health. In fact, considerable evidence exists that unequal social conditions contribute significantly to the persistent inequalities in the health of populations, internationally and in Canada.

How can public health programs address these, and other, social determinants of health? How are ’social determinants’ understood and defined? What information can we draw upon to identify the determinants that we might be able to address? What kinds of interventions might be effective? How can we assess the impact of health interventions on social determinants? Is there any evidence that the social determinants can be altered through public health programming?

If you have ever asked yourself these questions, please join us on October 8. This Fireside chat will focus on using elements of the Multiple Interventions Program Tool Kit, an on-line resource for public health planners, to take into account social determinants of health when planning, implementing, and evaluating multiple intervention programs.

CHNET-works! hosts weekly fireside chats re: community health issues a project of RRASpHIRN, University of Ottawa Population Health Improvement Research Network – Réseau de recherches d’amélioration de la Santé de la population

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WOMEN TOGETHER: ENCOURAGING WOMEN TO TAKE A BIGGER PART IN POLITICS

An evening with:

* Andrea Horwath, Ontario NDP Leader
* Peggy Nash, President of the Federal NDP
* Cheri DiNovo, MPP Parkdale-High Park & ONDP Women’s Critic

Monday October 5 2009
CAW 1285 Hall,
23 Regan Street, Brampton
(McLaughlin & Bovaird– easily reached from the 401, 407 & 410)
6:30PM reception, 7:00PM start
Dinner will be served.

Tickets are $24 or five for $100
$15 for students, or on layoff
Make cheques out to CAW 1285, write Elect Women Together in the memo area, and mail to CAW 1285, 23 Regan Road, Brampton, ON L7A 1B2

All are welcome to attend.

Introducing potential candidates, Party members, supporters, friends and others, to the nuts and bolts of getting elected.

Women Party members who have run for office are asked to share their experience and knowledge.

To order tickets, for more info, or to volunteer: ondpwomen@gmail.com

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DIVERSITY: STRATEGIES FOR A CHANGING WORKFORCE

The Toronto Training Board in partnership with Working Skills Centre and Working Women Community Centre is holding a one-day forum entitled “Diversity: Strategies for a Changing Workforce”.

The Forum is intended to gather “promising practices” related to creating a robust, multi-generational, diverse workplace, something that is essential to Toronto’s ability to attract and retain skilled workers.

If you are unable to attend, please consider finding another representative of your workplace.

Friday Oct. 16
Metro Hall
55 John Street, Room 308
9:00 am – 4:00 pm
Registration: $35 before Oct. 1 and $50 after Oct. 1 (including at door)
Includes breakfast, light lunch and snacks.
To register:  Carmen@ttb.on.ca
For more info:  416-703-7770 x. 519

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FOOD ISSUES PANEL: BROKEN SYSTEM

In conversation with Matt Galloway

How do we rethink our food distribution and quota systems along with various other antiquated food policies in order to rebuild our food systems so that we can help support a model that is based around small-scale local producers, while we ensure that we can provide nutritious and affordable food for all of our diverse communities.

Panelists:

* John Rowe, Farmer
* Debbie Field, Food Activist, FoodShare Toronto
* Ruth Klahsen, Artisan Cheese Maker
* Nick Saul, Food Activist, The Stop Community Food Centre

Tuesday October 20
Hart House, University of Toronto
7 p.m. – 9 p.m.

Free Event

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RISK MANAGEMENT FOR NONPROFITS: NO COST & LOW COST WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR PEOPLE AND REPUTATION

October 15, 2009
8:30am – 12:30pm
Centre for Social Innovation
215 Spadina Ave.
Alterna Boardroom, 4th floor
$73.50 (inclusive of GST)
Coffee and light breakfast will be provided

We’re pleased to announce that the Centre for Social Innovation will be hosting a half-day workshop on effective risk management! Every organization needs to take risks in order to grow and reach the next level, but learning to do it smart is key. Presented by David Hartley, this workshop will help guide you to that place and is geared towards staff members, board members, and key volunteers of small and medium nonprofit organizations.

To register: http://socialinnovation.ca/civicrm/event/info?reset=1&id=8

For questions, please contact Yumi Hotta, Community Animator at yumi@socialinnovation.ca

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FREE FILM FEST SHOWCASES LABOUR

Source: rabble.ca

The Canadian Labour International Film Festival is close to its goal of screening films in 100 communities across Canada. The movies will screen in cinemas, labour halls and living-rooms. There’s still time to get involved. CLIFF board member Raj Virk explains how.

http://rabble.ca/podcasts/shows/redeye/2009/09/free-film-fest-showcases-labour

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MULTI-UNION COALITION AT UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA STRIKES BACK AT DEVASTATING CUTS

By Jack Gerson, Tanya Smith, Labor Notes

Students, faculty, and staff at the University of California’s campuses walked out Thursday to protest hundreds of layoffs, cuts to academic programs and research centers, a staggering 32 percent tuition increase, and the stripping of any pretense of shared governance by placing “emergency” dictatorial powers in the university president’s hands. Photo: andydr

A coalition of unions, faculty, and students gave a sharp rebuke to cuts and corporate giveaways at the renowned University of California system on September 24—the first day back for most UC campuses.

Organizers called picket lines, rallies, and teach-ins on each of the 10 campuses to protest a wave of layoffs, tuition increases, and academic and research program cuts—all steps toward the decimation of public education in California.

To read more: http://labornotes.org/node/2459

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UNIONS MUST MOVE LEFT, THEY HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE – MONTHLY REVIEW

David Bacon (dbacon.igc.org) is a California writer and documentary photographer. He was a union organizer among immigrant workers for two decades. He documents the changing conditions in the workforce, the impact of the global economy, war, and migration, and the struggle for human rights.

To read more: http://www.monthlyreview.org/090928bacon.php

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VIDEO: NAOMI KLEIN VS. ALAN GREENSPAN ON CRONY CAPITALISM IN THE US

Source: http://www.youtube.com
Except from September 24th 2007 Democracy Now! Naomi Klein and Alan Greenspan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09zvzzCOB2M

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CANADA MUST FORGE ITS OWN ECONOMIC FATE

Source: murraydobbin.ca

The SPP is dead. Let’s keep it that way.

With virtually no fanfare or media analysis, one of the most transformative agreements ever signed by Canada and the U.S. (and Mexico) is officially dead. The Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America (SPP), the formal expression of a corporate lobbying campaign called deep integration, is no more.

To read more: http://thetyee.ca/Opinion/2009/09/24/EconomicFate/

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VIDEO: FIX EI TOWN HALL – JUDY REBICK – SEPTEMBER 21, 2009

Source: www.youtube.com
Author and social justice activist Judy Rebick addresses the “Fix EI” Town Hall Meeting held at Ryerson University in Toronto – September 21, 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PK5rOQpQxVA

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UNION RIGHTS AS HUMAN RIGHTS: BUILDING THE LABOUR MOVEMENT IN MANITOBA

By Errol Black

The Manitoba Federation of Labour (MFL) is holding its annual convention in Brandon October 2 – 4, 2009. There are many important issues to be dealt with however the one issue that should be on the agenda and should be the focus of discussion is the spectre of eroding memberships in trade union organizations, evident in all jurisdictions in Canada.

To read more: http://www.policyalternatives.ca/reports/2009/09/article2314/

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ONTARIO FACULTY RELEASE REPORT ON UNIVERSITIES AND THE RECESSION: PAPER FINDS SERIOUS FINANCIAL IMPACTS ON INSTITUTIONS AND STUDENTS

TORONTO , Sept. 29 /CNW/ – The Ontario Confederation of University Faculty Associations (OCUFA) today released a research report, written by Hugh MacKenzie, analyzing the impact of the recent recession on Ontario’s universities. The report, commissioned by OCUFA, indicates that the economic downturn highlights fundamental problems with how the province funds higher education.

“This paper reveals serious cracks in Ontario’s funding model,” said Professor Mark Langer, President of OCUFA. “The recession starkly illustrates how our institutions are seriously under-funded, and how this under-funding puts serious financial pressure on students and their families.”

The negative effects of the recession are due to policy changes that began in the mid-1990s. After huge cuts to public university funding, institutions were forced to turn to private sources of income such as endowment funds and higher tuition fees. Now, 14 years later, the global financial crisis has significantly reduced the value of endowment funds and pension plans, hurting university revenue. Moreover, record student unemployment has made it even harder for students to pay for Ontario’s already expensive tuition fees. The Government of Ontario’s current tuition policy will allow fees to increase by an average of five per cent in the 2009-10 school year.

OCUFA has recently launched the Quality Matters campaign (http://www.quality-matters.ca) to raise awareness of the need for greater public funding in the university system. This investment will help mitigate the effects of the recession while improving educational quality and controlling tuition fees.

To read the report, please go to http://www.ocufa.on.ca/Publications.researchreports.gk.

Founded in 1964, OCUFA represent 15,000 faculty in 24 faculty associations across Ontario. For more information, please visit the OCUFA website at http://www.ocufa.on.ca

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PODCAST: NAOMI KLEIN INTERVIEWS MICHAEL MOORE

Source: Common Dreams

On September 17, in the midst of the publicity blitz for his cinematic takedown of the capitalist order, Moore talked with Nation columnist Naomi Klein by phone about the film, the roots of our economic crisis and the promise and peril of the present political moment.

To listen to a podcast of the full conversation:  http://www.thenation.com/doc/20091012/moore_podcast

To read an edited transcript of their conversation: http://www.commondreams.org/view/2009/09/25

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VIEWS: MUTUAL AID SOCIETY – INSIDE HIGHER ED

Source: http://www.insidehighered.com

Did humanity evolve with selfish genes? Scott McLemee looks into an alternative theory.

http://www.insidehighered.com/views/mclemee/mclemee260

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JOB POSTING: EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, SISTERING, TORONTO

You will foster learning, innovation, research, and philanthropy across the organization while promoting collaboration throughout Sistering and within the wider community. You will represent our organization to the broader community, build and maintain strong relationships, and ensure our financial health and sustainability. A ‘big picture’ thinker and inspirational leader, you have a graduate degree in a human services field or the equivalent, a proven five-year track record of success as a senior manager, ideally within a diverse, non-profit organization serving marginalized communities, and experience working with a Board of Directors. You have five years of experience in the social services or not-for-profit sectors, strong government and community relations expertise, and advocacy skills to effect change in social policies.

You may be required to work occasional weekends, provide periodic on-call support for weekend drop-in shifts, and travel within the city.

We offer excellent compensation and benefits. Please apply to:
962 Bloor Street West
Toronto, ON M6H 1L6
tel: 416-926-9762
fax: 416-926-1932
e-mail: jkali@sistering.org

Sistering has anti-racism/oppression and employment equity policies and especially encourages Aboriginal women, women of colour, immigrant and refugee women, and women from other disadvantaged groups to apply.

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JOB POSTING: PROGRAM COORDINATOR, MAYWORKS, TORONTO

Deadline: 6:00 p.m. on October 13, 2009

Mayworks Festival of Working People and the Arts seeks a Program Coordinator for the festival events.

For more information on this position: http://www.mayworks.ca/

***END***

 

Posted here by Glenn Rikowski

The Flow of Ideas: http://www.flowideas.co.uk

MySpace Profile: http://www.myspace.com/glennrikowsk

The Ockress: http://www.theockress.com

Rikowski Point: http://rikowskipoint.blogspot.com

Lady Gaga: From Tragic to Fabulous

This is for all you Lady Gaga fans out there (and I know there are hordes of you). I found this little gem over on Towleroad. Ever wonder what Lady Gaga looked and sounded like before all the glam, glitter and fashion? Y’know… the days when she went by Stefani Germanotta and had tragic hair? Or when she actually played instruments and maybe even wrote her own lyrics (le gasp, right?)? Well now you can see it in all it’s terrifying glory thanks the the wonders of YouTube. Make sure to check it out, after the jump.