Atheism is a misfortune for the homosexual. [1]Being atheist brings endless number of possibilities to get closer and closer to the core of understanding of all mysteries because the world is his and its consequences impresses his satisfaction of knowledge. A drink sweetened with pretentious credibility.
But when mental scenes arise as the enemy does behind darkness, every single resource of mental strength fades away leaving our egocentric view defenseless. Another see-through reality allows us to perceive a little beyond. No enemy is completely invisible.
My sex awakening woke up with TV. It welcomed me with series of adultery and promiscuity; an open door for my newly born curiosity and emotions. I had just turned 10 years old.
So under teen pressure I went to a party and some suggested going to the movies at midnight. Now internet gives discretion and secrecy. Back then my teen friends and I went to find out what we had heard about this indecent stuff.
[2]I already knew what sex was about; the rest was a distant cloud. But on that night a Pornography movie wounded my heart severely; I was shot at point-blank range; a real encounter with death.
[3]Witnessing to sexual intercourse is a way to get senses imprisoned, and when we want to intelligently tell them apart; woman and man turn into one flesh. Every perspective plays with sensuality. So, is sex bad or evil? No way, it’s a gift understood in the realm of love.
[4]At this stage any careless reader might dare to say that another nature has been born, that a revealed frontier has been set in front of us to be tried, but nothing further than “the truth”. A clean heart stumbles upon a death trap; the more we fight our way out the more we get entangled while an intruder comes in as a masked murderer.
When a specific pornographic scene settled at the bottom of heart it keeps silently spreading into every healthy part of the being; poisonous yeast.
On the contrary finding intimacy in the opposite sex gives joy to both wife and husband, but when we’re bombarded with images a bond arises between condition and sensation.
Just like a dog hiding a bone to get back later and chew on. that’s our behavior from this moment on. One minute becomes two minutes, one week becomes two weeks, and one image becomes one hundred. We have been besieged and left on fire.
And [5]one day, vivid dreams visit us in waking hours along with the mornings. And that’s where consciousness comes to and wonders what’s going on? [6]An impostor has trespassed on our dreams and calls itself “myself” disrespectfully.
Self confidence hurries to help even though it’s too late. A weak counterattack is based on our walk to maturity. Heart doesn’t hurt too much, almost nothing at all. We just observe so far.
[1] “I am the Lord, and there is none else: there is no God, besides me: I girded thee, and thou hast not known me:”- Isaias 45,5
[2] “He answered them: ‘This is the work of an enemy.’ They asked him: ‘Do you want us to go and pull up the weeds?’”
- Matthew 13,28
[3] “Be sober and alert because your enemy the devil prowls about like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.”
- 1 Peter 5,8
[4] “It is not surprising: if Satan disguises himself as an angel of light,”
- 2 Corinthians 11,14
[5] “For dreams have led many people astray. Those who hoped in them have fallen.”
- Sirach 34,7
[6] “While everyone was asleep, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and left.”
- Matthew 13,25
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